relax mom

as long as there are people keeping score
as long as there are people judging
there will always be what sees fools
and i will always be at the top of their list  

when there are no longer scores and judgments
and the fears that hold their fictions and the identities that need them in place  
there is just this  
the divine experiencing itself;
coming to know itself through all conditions
unconditionally  

relax mom  

if i thought the way you did
i would blow my brains out
my life would be a waste
it would be "ruined", as you say,
i would have lost the game
there would be no point to continue on  

last night i dreamed that everything was stolen from me
all of my antiques and art work and things i have in storage now
gone
even all of my clothes and underwear
it was upsetting but much as i feel in waking life
as look at things missed as they disappear
or when grace affords me the gift of disillusionment
it is the way the cards play out
it is the deck i am being given
"and we begin again now"  

it's time again,
a little sooner than i thought it would be,
to buy new underwear
as it will be time to trust this heart again
as i can only do
when it swallows the moon
singing the sun and all the stars
once again  

relax mom
and call me a fool
if you want
that too is the deck i am being dealt  

let's play  

love,   ellen